


The sound of you

by HaleyBuckley



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Accidents, Deaf, Injury, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:42:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25514482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HaleyBuckley/pseuds/HaleyBuckley
Summary: “An accident leaves Buck deaf.”
Relationships: Buddie - Relationship, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 14
Kudos: 246





	The sound of you

Buck’s staring at the writing pad on his bedside table for 10 minutes now. He hasn’t used it once since he woke up in the hospital a week ago.

His eyes wander over to the window. The blinds are half open so he can see nurses and doctors rush around like busy bees. He sees them talk and there’s a desperate mother running down the hallway, screaming for her kid.

He assumes she is, because he hears none of it.

There’s nothing.

He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to concentrate on any noises, but he can’t hear anything. Not even the sound of his own heart. He moves his hand to his chest, trying to feel the steady rythm there. He sighs and opens his eyes again.

A nurse is standing next to his bed now and he startles, his body shuffling backwards into the pillows, which resting behind his back. It takes him a while to catch his breath because his broken rips are still making it hard for him to breath.

The nurse, he reads Amy on her name tag, looks apologeptic and helps him sit up better. She looks over to the heart monitor and checks his stats. Her lips move but Buck can’t follow what she’s saying. She leans over to the bedside table and grabs the notepad.

“How are you feeling today, Mr Buckley?“

She writes a smiley next to his name and smiles at him.

Buck lets his shoulders fall and he looks away. He doesn’t know how he’s feeling, if he’s honest.

He’s woken up in the hospital a week ago or so. He’s lost track of time. His team were there, his sister with red puffy eyes, who had been crying way too long over his unconcious body.

There had been an unexpected explosion at one of their calls. No one saw it coming. It had knocked him off his feet and his body was slammed into a nearby wall. He thinks he can still feel his ribs being cracked by the impact. It took all his breath away and he was sure, he’d die any minute. He remembers people touching him, carrying him and putting him on a gurney. But there were no noises. Nothing. The world was quiet. He wasn’t even sure he was breathing because he couldn’t hear anything. His vision had blurred and the last thing he saw was his Captains hand coming back bloody when he’d touched his head.

The first thing he‘d noticed when he woke up, body heavy and limp, that there was no sound. He knew he was in the hospital but the typical sound of the heart monitor was missing. Maybe he wasn’t hurt that bad, he had thought.

He blinked his eyes open and his sister and Bobby came into view. His sister looked tired, black rings under her puffy eyes. There was a weight on his hand and when he looked down on the bed he could see Bobbys hands resting on his. Holding it tight. He looked at his sister and saw her lips move but he didn’t understand a word. He shook his head in confusion and looked over to Bobby. But still there was no sound.

Something was seriously wrong. His breathing sped up and he slipped into a full blown panic attack and only the nurses sedating him could calm him down.

Later in the afternoon when he was back to his senses again, they told him by writing on a notepad, that the explosion had injured his ear drums. Surgeons tried to fix it but they don’t know how it’ll affect his hearing and if he’s gonna be able to hear again.

After he read those words he turned his body around and curled into himself. If he couldn’t hear, he couldn’t be a firefighter. He couldn’t do what he loved the most. He might aswell have been killed by the explosion.

A light tab on his arm brings him back to reality. The nurse points at the notepad in her hand again. There’s different words on it now.

“The doctors will come around to check on your ribs and ears again in a couple of hours. Till then your therapist will pop in, okay? Please use the notepad, Mr Buckley.“

She squeezes at his arm and puts the notepad on his lap. Her eyes are soft and he can see concern in her eyes. He doesn’t want it though. He doesn’t want their concern, their pitty. His sister had been looking at him like this since he’d woken up and he was sick of it. He just wants to be able to hear again, do his job again.

He can’t even smile back at her and he immediately feels guilty when he sees her eyes go sad when she leaves the room. He grabs the notepad and throws it off his bed. Of course right in that moment his therapist, Mr Diaz, walks into the room.

He’s seen him a couple of times before, the doctors being worried about his mental state. Buck had ignored him most of the time, no matter how many times he‘d tried to make him write something on the notepad and tell him how he was feeling. Buck didn’t want to talk to anyone.

The other man picks it up from the floor and writes something on it, showing it to Buck.

“Think you lost something, Mr Buckley.“

Buck rolls his eyes and turns on his side so Mr. Diaz moves out of his sight. Not for long though because the other man walks over to the bedside and puts the chair next to his bed. Buck watches him wipe away the words on the notepad.

He writes something new.

“How are you feeling today? You wanna fill me in on your thoughts. I am a therapist but not actually a mind reader.“

Buck scoffs, or he thinks he does since he can’t hear his own noises. He reads the notepad again.

“The nurses said you still haven’t used the notepad to talk?“

Buck looks away again, hoping the other man will leave him alone when he keeps on ignoring him. It doesn’t seem that way and Buck can see him write something else on the notepad.

“If you don’t wanna write, I could teach you sign language?“

Buck shakes his head. He doesn’t want to do anything. He can’t hear, he can’t do anything.

Mr Diaz wipes the notepad clean and puts it away. He skillfully moves his hands around and Buck notices that he’s signing at him. The other man smiles at him and Buck just notices now how dark brown his eyes are. There’s also tiny freckles around his nose. His hair is cut short and makes his eyes come out even more. His body looks well trained and if Buck wouldn’t lie in that hospital bed right now he’d definitely have a go at flirting with the other man, he is gorgeous.

Mr Diaz grabs the notepad again and writes.

“I think learning some signs would help you and distract you till you can go home and till you know more about the possibilty of hearing aids and stuff.“

Buck shrugs his shoulders. The doctors weren’t sure if he’d ever hear again and if hearing aids would help him. He didn’t want to get his hopes up.

The other man wipes the notepad clean again. He uses his hands to sign again and then writes something on the notepad.

“Eddie.“

He points at himself, his fingers softly resting against his own chest and he smiles at Buck.

Mr. Diaz, Eddie, gets something out of his bag and puts it next to Bucks legs on the bed.

He writes again.

“Just have a look, ok? It’s all I’m asking.“

Eddie signs something again and Buck can’t help and notice how muscular his arms are. He gets up from the chair and signs at him again.

Buck assumes it’s saying “Goodbye“.

He watches the other man leave the room and kicks the book of his bed. He carefully rolls himself on his side, still feeling the ache in his chest. He closes his eyes and welcomes the darkness. If he couldn’t hear and go back to his job, he was useless.

Eddie isn’t coming around for the next days and Buck hasn’t looked at the book about sign language once. His sister comes and visits him and so do Hen and Chimney. They notice the sign language book and try to motivate him but he doesn’t want to look at it. He still doesn’t want to do anything and he’s not using the notepad either.

His sister cries when she doesn’t know what to do anymore and the guilt is almost crushing Buck when he sees her cry but he can’t get himself to do anything. He just lies in his bed, counting the ceiling tiles for the millionst time.

He’s at number 34 when he feels the matraze of his bed dip down next to him. When he looks over, Eddie is sitting on his bed next to him.

He smiles and Buck can’t stand it. The man always has this smile on his face and it’s beautiful and Buck hates it because he loves when he smiles.

Eddies lips move and he signs at Buck. Buck lowers his eyes though, not wanting to face the other man.

Mr Diaz lifts the notepad up again and pats on his legs, which are covered with the hospital blanket.

“Did you have a look at the book?“

Buck looks guilty and shakes his head. He can see Eddie take a deep breath and grabbing the pen again.

“It’s okay, we can look at it together?!“

Mr Diaz gets up and takes the book of the bedside table, putting it into Bucks lap. He opens it for him and Buck stares at him in annoyance. The other man won’t give up and Buck kinda envys him for being so passionate and patient. He once was passionate too, but he feels like the accident took all of it away.

Took him away.

Eddie lets his fingers run over the book and shows Buck the first easy signs. All Buck does is look at him. How his lips move in union with the movements of his fingers, when he signs.

Eddie looks excited and Buck wishes he could give him something. But his hands won’t move. He wonders how Eddies voice sounds and he feels a pain in his chest, because probably he might never hear it.

Suddenly there’s a hand on his arm and he looks up at the other man’s face. He can feel wetness on his face now, when did he start crying?

Eddie writes something and his fingers move to Bucks hand and he squeezes it.

“Hey, you can do this, I’ll help you.“

Buck doesn’t know why the other man’s trying so hard with him. If he was Eddie he’d given up on him days ago.

The other man takes his hand and puts it on the book. Buck watches his fingers slide over the paper. He feels Eddies arm bump against his shoulder, his legs digging against his thighs and all of a sudden it’s too much for him.

All of this.

Buck rips his hand away. He can’t do this.

Eddie looks startled by his movement and quickly grabs the book before it falls off the bed.

Buck doesn’t want to do this. He doesn’t want to look at Eddie, thinking about all the things he can’t do anymore.

Can’t hear anymore.

He twists his body around and hisses in pain when he jostles his ribs in the process. He turns himself on his side and throws the blanket over his head.

He doesn’t know if the other man’s still there but he doesn’t want to check. He squeezes his eyes shut tightly and it hurts. He just wants to disappear into the darkness and after a while his tired body catches up with his brain and he falls asleep.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buck tiredly blinks his eyes open but he can’t see anything. It’s dark. He’s confused till he realizes it’s dark because he’s still lying under the heavy blanket. He doesn’t know how much time has passed but he feels his ribs sting against his side, so he must have been in that position for a while.

He groggly pushes the blanket away and closes his eyes against the blinding light. He rubs at his eyes and opens them slowly.

Eddie is gone and he’s alone in the room. There’s a tray with food next to him on the bedsidetable. Right in that moment he can feel his stomach grumble. He doesn’t want to eat though.

He rolls himself on his back and when he looks to the other side of the room he sees that the chair next to his bed is occupied. Buck raises an eyebrow in confusion.

There’s a little boy, he doesn’t know, sitting in the chair. The boy‘s eating a cookie which he realizes is from his food tray. He’s looking at a book on his lap. It’s the sign language book, Buck notices.

There’s two crutches leaning against the side of his bed. The kid has brown curls and red glasses sitting on his nose. Buck moves around in his bed to sit up better and the movement makes the kid look up.

The boy smiles at him brightly, looks back at the book and then starts to move his hands around and Buck realizes he’s signing at him. He’s got no idea what the kid‘s saying and feels guilt bubbling up in his chest. Why didn’t he try to look at the book at least.

His train of thoughts get interrupted when he sees the kid looking over to the door and Mr. Diaz, Eddie, is rushing into the room. The man’s having a bag hanging over his shoulder and books in the other hand and he looks stressed.

He walks over to the kid and talks to him. Buck has no idea what he’s saying.

The kid looks apologeptic and slowly gets off the chair. Eddie grabs the crutches and hands them over to the kid. The boy smiles at Buck again and puts the book on his bed. He waves him goodbye and slowly walks out of the room.

Eddie puts his bag and books aside and grabs the notepad on Bucks bedside table.

“Sorry for that. He knows that he’s not allowed to wander around in the hospital.“

Buck looks at the other man questioningly. Eddie wipes the letters off the notepad and writes again.

“He’s my son. He’s been here for his physiotherapy. Loves to wander around.“

Buck nods and it didn’t go past him how the other man’s eyes shine when he talks about the boy. His son, apparently.

Eddie opens his bag and hands Buck some phamplets. It’s about hearing aids and sign language courses. He’s a stubborn prat and Buck rolls his eyes at him. Eddies face lightens up and he laughs. He writes something on the notepad, pats at Bucks shoulder and makes his way out of the room.

Buck looks at the notepad and grabs it thightly in his hands.

It reads “Don’t give up, Buckley.“

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buck feels like the days are floating and they are all the same. He sleeps and he eats, that’s all he’s doing. His friends and family come around to check on him. They talk to him via the notepad but Buck hasn’t answered once yet.

His sister is understandably worried, but Buck can’t open up.

He feels stuck.

The doctors clear him to go home in a couple of days, but Buck doesn’t even know how to get out of his hospital bed. The doctors still can’t tell him if his hearing might come back or not. They told him about the hearing aids but all Buck can see is that he won’t be able to go back to work.

Bobby tries to comfort him by showing him other available jobs in the fire department, but Buck doesn’t want to see it and ignores him the whole time he sits with him. Being a firefigher, out on a call, is in his blood, it’s what he is and he doesn’t know how he can excist without it.

It’s afternoon. A Wednesday or Thursday, he doesn’t know. The nurse changes the bandages around his chest again. His ribs still are still hurting and breathing’s tough sometimes. He looks out of the window, counting the cars passing by.

Suddenly someone taps at his side and he startles, his head is moving to the other side quickly.

The boy, Eddies son, from a couple of days ago is standing next to his bed.

He’s smiling at him, puts his crutches to the side of his bed and carefully sits down on the chair next to his bed.

Buck looks over to the door, waiting for Eddie to barge in again, but it doesn’t happen.

He looks back to the kid, whos mouth is moving now. He points at himself and then signs something with his hands.

Buck doesn’t understand and shakes his head. The kid frowns and takes the sign language book and lies it next to Bucks legs. He opens it and points his finger on some pictures. Then he talks again und uses his finger to make more signs.

The boy looks at him with big and expecting eyes and Buck feels this urge, wanting to understand what the kid is saying to him. He doesn’t know the kid but he doesn’t want him to be disappointed in him, when he can’t answer back. He’s disappointed enough people already.

He looks at the book and tries to read the signs the kid is making. The boys lips are moving slowly in unit with his fingers. It takes Buck a bit, but after some minutes he’s figured it out.

The kids’s signing “Hi, I am Chris.“

Buck can’t help and smile when he nods at the kid. He awkwardly waves his hand to say hi.

The kid, Chris, claps his hands together and smiles even brighter at him now. When he sees him smile, Buck has this warm feeling in his chest, he didn’t think he’d ever feel again.

Buck carefully leans over to the bedsidetable and grabs the notepad and pen.

He writes “Buck“ in big letters on the notepad and holds it towards the kid.

The boy moves his lips and Buck thinks that he’s saying his name.

Suddenly the boy looks over to the door and and Buck’s gaze follows him. Eddie’s walking into the room with a stern face and kneels in front of his son.

Buck can’t follow their conversation but the kid suddenly looks sad and grabs his crutches to stand up. He looks at Buck one more time before he makes his way out of the room. Eddie takes out his own ipad and types something on it.

“I’m sorry about my son. I told him he just can’t come into your room all the time. It won’t happen again.“

Buck suddenly feels this sadness again and he wants the kid to come back. It was nice to have him around. He shakes his head, wants to tell him that it’s ok. That he actually likes the kid, but Eddie doesn’t look at him and writes something else on his ipad.

“I’ll be around on Friday for our next session.“

Eddie puts the ipad back into his bag, nods at Buck and leaves the room.

Buck’s still holding the notepad in his hand.

His name on it is staring at him. Mocking him.

He puts it aside and grabs the sign language book.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buck looks at the clock for the tenth time now. Eddie should‘ve been here fifthteen minutes ago but he hasn’t shown up yet. Buck nervously shuffles up and down on his bed.

Then finally Eddie walks into his room. He’smiling at him. His brown eyes sparkling. He’s wearing the white henley top that makes his arms pop out and Buck really likes it.

Eddie puts his bag on the table and sits himself down on the hospital bed, next to Buck’s legs. He signs “Hello“ with his hands.

Buck knows the sign now. He’s been studying the book for the last days.

Eddies cheeks are red and Buck notices the sweat pearls on his forehead.

Buck watches Eddie write on the notepad.

“How are you today? What do you wanna talk about?“

Buck slowly and a bit unsecure lifts his hand off the bed and signs the word “son“.

Eddie looks at him with confused and with questioning eyes, till he realizes that Buck acutally used a sign to talk to him. His eyes go wide and he smiles even more.

Buck loves Eddies smile but seeing the excitement in his eyes make his heart jump. He needs to take a couple of deep breaths, being surprised by this warm feeling in his heart. He hadn’t felt like this for a long while now.

Eddie writes on the pad again, big grin on his face.

“Hey, you signed. This is great, this is really great. You said „Son“. You want to see your father or? Who’s son?“

Buck looks at the notepad and then points at Eddie. The other man is still confused and Buck tries to remember the sign for the boys name. He can’t get it right the first time but the second attempt seems to be right because Buck can see Eddies face light up.

The other man writes again.

“You want to talk about my son?“

Buck nods and takes the pen out of his hand and writes on the notepad.

“Can he maybe come around again?“

Eddie takes the notepad again.

“Oh ok, If that’s what you want, I can bring him next time, I guess. He was asking about you the other day.“

Buck smiles and shily signs “Thank you.“

Eddie looks happy and gently touches his arm.

“What made you change your mind about learning a couple of signs?“

Buck reads on the notepad. He scratches at his head and smiles awkwardly. Eddies eyes are big and warm and it makes Bucks heart beat faster. He signs Chris name again and Eddie smiles again.

Buck wants to tell him how his visits brightened up his days and how his son made him want to talk again.

“Your son is amazing.“, he writes.

Eddie nods and writes. “He’s a special kid and I learned so much from him. He just never gives up.“

Buck signs the word “proud“ and Eddie writes again.

“I’m super proud of him.“

The two men chat for a bit longer till the session is over. Eddie promises to bring Chris around the next time. Buck feels lighter and for the first time in weeks he doesn’t need sleeping pills to fall asleep and he has no nightmares.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buck watches the nurses taking his food tray away. He was really hungry this morning and he even ate the weird vanilla pudding.

The nurse throws a new blanket over his legs and smiles. Buck smiles back. He’s in a weirdly good mood this morning because Eddie’s supposed to come around for his next therapy session in a couple of minutes.

The nurse, Amy, takes the notepad and writes.

“It’s lovely to see you smile Mr Buckley, it suits you. What’s gotten you in such a good mood?“

She holds the notepad towards him and Buck quickly takes it to write something.

“Therapy session.“

When Amy sees what Buck has written on the notepad her face lights up. She writes on the notepad.

“Mr. Diaz is a real sweetheart. He talks about you a lot by the way.“

Buck blushes and Amy laughs. She pats him on the leg gently and winks.

In that moment Eddie walks into the room, followed by his son. He has this huge smile on his face and quickly walks over to Bucks bed. He drops his bag on the bed and his father helps him sit on the bed.

Chris signs a quick „Hello“ and empties his bag on the bed. There’s books and games. The Kid beams with excitement, it literally radiates from him and infects Buck. Buck makes a couple of signs and the kid smiles.

The next half an hour they all play games and practise some new signs. Buck feels good and it’s almost like things are back to normal. Eddie and Chris act around him like sitting in a hospital bed learning sign language is not a big deal.

Buck finally feels like he can breath again and the heavy weight on his chest lifts a bit. He knows he still has a long way to go but this gives him strength and he wants to do better, he wants to fight again.

When the sessions almost is over Chris excuses himself to the toilet and it’s only Buck and Eddie in the room. Eddie gets up from the chair next to the bed and sits himself next to Buck on the bed.

He smiles and his eyes are soft. Buck thinks he’s got the brownest eyes he’s ever seen and there’s this beautiful sparkle, that’s mesmerizing. He’s wearing a grey shirt and Buck can see the veins pop out of his skin and run down his arms. It’s hot and Buck swallows nervously.

Eddie shuffles closer and puts his hand over Bucks, his thumb hovering over his puls point there.

Buck feels himself flush and he has to look away for a second. When he looks back he sees Eddie sign the word „proud“.

Tear spill into his eyes. It’s been a while since someone was proud of him. He turns his hand around and takes Eddies in his own. Eddie has soft hands and Buck likes the feeling of the other man’s hand resting aginst his skin.

Buck signs the word „thank you“ and Eddie nods. Bucks heart starts to beat faster and he looks directly at Eddie now, signing the word „coffee“.

Eddie blinks at him and asks him with signs if he wants him to get Buck a coffee. Buck shakes his head and points at Eddie. The other man looks confused and Buck writes something on the notepad with his other hand. His left hand is still holding onto Eddie.

“Would you like to go out for a coffee with me?“

Eddie looks at the notepad and then back at Buck. He grips at his hand and softly runs his fingers over his skin. He nods and puts his other hand over Bucks.

Chris comes back a couple of minutes later and places himself next to his father and Buck can’t help but smile how those two boys changed his life in the last couple of weeks.

Maybe his hearing would come back.

Maybe things still could get better.

Maybe life wasn’t over.

For sure he wasn’t alone in this anymore.


End file.
